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MERCEDES ANNOUNCES PISS ASSIST
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The new Mercedes S-class has already drawn attention for its unprecedented level of high technology driver aids. Now Merc is poised to add to that already impressive list of gizmos with a forthcoming option aimed at reducing the risk of driving along when you really need a wee. Dubbed Piss Assist, the new system works using a system of tubes, bottles and a funnel and will be offered on the S-class from this summer. "Our research shows that road safety can be severely compromised by driving along desperately needing a slash," said one Stuttgart Insider. "As well as impaired concentration caused by focusing attention on not wetting yourself, there is also the risk of not operating the controls correctly thanks to heightened levels of leg jiggling". Benz insiders say Piss Assist will not only dramatically reduce the number of times when the motorist has to drive like a nutter to reach a petrol station before they get any seepage on the front of their keks - the system will also prove a bonus for long distance drivers who can't be arsed to stop for a waz.

However, before Piss Assist has even gone on sale Mercedes spies say that the company is already working on a second generation system which will make use of the urine stored in the on board bottle, rather than simply dumping it on the road once a pre-set speed threshold has been passed. Instead, the driver will have the option of firing jets of hot piss from a special washer jet carefully designed to repel those twats who try to wash your screen at the lights. The more advanced Piss Assist is likely to be phased in with the introduction of another forthcoming S-class option called Pikey Fighter Plus which is designed to keep the poor away from your car.

Not to be outdone, BMW is said to be working on a system to rival Piss Assist, believed to be labelled Shitronic.


And once again, the Mercedes S-Class leads the way, on future cool and pointless features, that you will see in 10 years time, in your average Vectra. Now let's look forward, to BMW's upcoming "Shitronic". That will be even cooler than the new M5 "M" (Motherf*cker) button.

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Merc1

Hilarious. I suspect this will be pulled so chuckle while you can.

M

The Artist

LOL .. piss assist was abit booring.. but shit assist..it has a nice tone to it..haha love it

Alx

Thats pretty funny...

Shit assist sounds messy...

yomomwhat

HAHAHAHAHAAHA sounds good LOOOOL

Giannis

that's good. i just remeberd something funny. A couple of months ago, me and dad had gone to athens for a meeting and we had stopped at a traffic light. it was around 9am and there were some girls probably univercity students, and were selling a newspaper that supports the greek communist party. so they went to every car, knocked the driver's window and offered the newspaper. so when our turn came, on of the girls looked at the brand new (back then) nice big clean sedan (judging from her face she didn't know what volvo is) and then she looked inside and saw two men dressed in suits and she walked away. it was really funny since after 2 minutes of heavy thinking she realised that these two men were not going to buy a communist newspaper, even if the sun rose from the west...

The Artist

LOL.. judgemental of her..haha

Giannis

actually it doesn't sound very funny, but if you were in the car... She first looked at the car, then she looked at the two men in the black suits inside, and then she turned her back and left... We couldn't stop laughing...

p373r7r4n

ummm is this for real... or is it just fake and for the laughs?

The Artist

lol.. is that a serious question??

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